A “to be” list flips the script on ordinary goal setting. Instead of tracking what you need to finish, it tracks who you want to become.
You cross off every task on your to-do list some weeks and still feel restless. Nothing you did moved you toward what matters most.
That feeling makes sense. Finishing tasks and becoming who you want to be are two different jobs.
Here’s what a “to be” list is, how it differs from your to-do list, and how to write one today.
What Is a “To Be” List?
A “to be” list names three to five personal qualities you want to grow into. Think patience, courage, or generosity, instead of tasks you want to finish. It’s introspective and long-term. It keeps your daily choices lined up with who you’re trying to become.
Think about a typical to-do list: pay the electric bill, finish the budget review, call your sister, walk the dog. Each task is real. Each one needs to get done. None of them tell you whether you’re becoming the person you want to be.
A “to be” list asks different questions:
- Who do I want to be today?
- How do I want to feel today?
- What do I want to give today?
- What do I want to receive today?
Answer those four questions honestly and a pattern shows up fast. That pattern is your “to be” list.
Those four questions are a starting point. 87 thought-provoking questions about wealth and money digs deeper into how your values shape your money choices.
How a “To Be” List Differs From a To-Do List
A to-do list is about what you finish today. A “to be” list is about who you’re becoming this year.
| To-Do List | “To Be” List | |
|---|---|---|
| Focus | Tasks and errands | Character and values |
| Time frame | Today or this week | Months or years |
| Example | Pay the mortgage | Be more patient |
| Goal | Get it done | Grow into it |
Neither list replaces the other. You’ll still need your to-do list to keep the bills paid and the calendar straight. Your “to be” list gives those tasks a direction.
How to Write Your “To Be” List in Four Steps
Start with four questions, then narrow your answers into three to five traits you want to practice this year.
Ask who you want to be today
Sit with the question for a minute before you answer it. Who did your eight-year-old self hope you’d grow up to be? What would make that version of you proud right now?
Name how you want to feel
A to-do list rarely asks how you feel about what you finished. Pick two or three words: brave, peaceful, secure, connected. Let those words guide how you spend today.
Choose three to five traits to practice
Narrow your answers into a short list of traits: patience, resilience, kindness, creativity. Keep the list short enough to remember without checking it. The VIA Institute on Character offers a free strengths survey if you want a starting point grounded in research instead of guesswork.
Revisit your list once a month
Set a recurring reminder to reread your list every month. Traits shift as your life changes. A list from two years ago might not fit the person you’re now.
Try the “Age 8 and Age 88” Test
Picture two people judging your choices: the eight-year-old you used to be, and the 88-year-old you’ll become. Would both be proud?
This kind of thought experiment circulates in different forms. Borrow it regardless of where it started. Ask what your eight-year-old self hoped you’d become. Ask what your 88-year-old self will wish you’d done.
Your eight-year-old self represents curiosity and wonder, from before the world taught you to compare, compete, and second-guess. If that version of you saw your life today, would they recognize the person they’d hoped you’d become?
Your 88-year-old self represents the long view: the relationships you kept, the choices you made under pressure, the legacy you left. That version of you cares less about your job title and more about whether you showed up for the people who mattered.
Neither version cares much about your job title or your bank balance. Both care about whether you lived according to what you value.
A study out of Dominican University tracked people who wrote down specific goals against people who only thought about theirs. The writers finished far more of them. Writing your list down is part of what makes it work.
How a “To Be” List Shapes Your Financial Plan
Your “to be” list changes more than how you feel. It can change what you spend, save, and prioritize.
Say your “to be” list includes “present” and “generous.” That might mean turning down a job that pays more but demands more travel. It might mean building an extra travel budget into next year’s plan so you can see your grandkids more often.
None of that shows up in a spreadsheet of your savings and spending. It shows up when you sit down and ask what your money is helping you become.
Finding meaning and purpose after retirement often means replacing a job’s structure with something you chose on purpose. Prepare for life after retirement walks through concrete ways retirees do that once the daily schedule opens up.
Build a new scenario in the Boldin Planner. See what changes when your “to be” list drives the numbers, instead of the other way around.
FAQ: Common Questions About “To Be” Lists
What is a “to be” list?
A “to be” list is a short set of personal qualities or values you want to grow into, things like patience, generosity, or courage. A to-do list gets crossed off and forgotten by tomorrow. A “to be” list keeps shaping who you are over months or years.
How is a “to be” list different from a to-do list?
A to-do list covers tasks you finish today or this week, like paying bills or scheduling appointments. A “to be” list covers character traits and values over a much longer stretch of time. Most people benefit from keeping both lists active at once, since one handles logistics and the other handles direction.
How do you make a “to be” list?
Start by answering four questions: who you want to be today, how you want to feel, what you want to give, and what you want to receive. Narrow your answers into three to five traits you want to practice. Revisit that short list once a month to see if it still fits.
Can a “to be” list change your financial decisions?
A “to be” list can shift what you spend, save, and prioritize once you're clearer about the life you're building. Someone whose list includes “generous” might raise what they give away each year instead of maximizing what they leave behind. The traits come first. The financial plan follows.
How often should you update your “to be” list?
Update your “to be” list once a month at minimum. Update it sooner if something big shifts your priorities, like a new job, a health scare, a move, or retirement itself. Big changes surface new questions about who you want to be, and an old list running on autopilot won't have the answers.
What are some examples of traits to put on a “to be” list?
Common “to be” list traits include patience, generosity, courage, resilience, and presence. Someone practicing patience might pause before reacting to a frustrating email. Someone practicing presence might put the phone away during dinner. The traits work best when you attach them to a specific daily behavior instead of leaving them abstract.
